I'll Stand By You

Relationships can often be difficult to define.. Right?

Have you ever been asked or maybe asked someone if they were dating and their response was, "well, it's complicated."

Often times, I believe that can be the response we want to give when asked about friendships as well. Over the course of my young life, I've been blessed to have a good bit of friends. Now, does that mean all of those friends and I are still close today? Not exactly, well.... It's complicated. Right?

You see, I've had friends that during specific seasons of my life, they were by my side and I wouldn't have changed that for anything... And truth be told, I believe with all of my being, that those same friends would drop everything to come back to my side in an instance if they believed I needed them. One phone call away.

I always struggled with this concept of someone being my "best" friend, because the truth is, I throw that word around quite a bit when I speak of my friends, whether that be past or present.. Because at whatever point in time, those were truly my best friends and once a best friend, in my heart, that is what you will always be.

Here is the reality, we change as life goes on... We're not the same kid we were in elementary school, we're not the same preteen we were in middle school, we're not the same teenager we were in high school, we're not the same young adult we were in college, and adulthood is by far the strangest place you'll ever be when it comes to friendships and I'll explain that here shortly.

As we change, so will our friends. That doesn't mean those people do not love us or that they never did... It means that in the seasons we're in, we may drift a part, but the impact they had on us will still forever be a part of who we are. It is okay to grow a part sometimes, but here is what is NOT okay...

1. Slandering - This is a word used within scripture that means Any derogatory statement, true or untrue, to diminish and/or harm another person, intentionally or unintentionally.

Here is what I know to be true... Often times, because friendships shift apart.... We find ourselves ready to throw stones and dismiss the friendship that once was there. You may not see eye to eye with your old pal, but at one point, they were the person you shared all your secrets with, you called randomly during the night to share in heartache, you celebrated with, you ran to when things were good or when things were bad, you truly loved and cared for... Maybe your friendship shifting a part has broken your heart - I often believe the closing of chapters in our lives can be some of the most painful experiences we can go through, but hurt people do not have to hurt people... It is a choice. Just because a door begins to close, doesn't mean we have to slam it closed because there will be times in your life when you may need to reopen those doors and if you've placed a deadbolt on it, it will be hard to break it back open. But enough about what I have to say on that... What does God's Word say?

“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.”

(1 Peter 2:1)

Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly I will destroy. Whoever has a haughty look and an arrogant heart I will not endure.

(Psalm 101:5)

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak

(Matthew 12:36)

The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool.

(Proverbs 10:18)

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

(2 Timothy 3:1-5)

These are just a handful of many scriptures that discuss slandering and the characteristics of such a person that would do such a thing... Now, I realize we live in a society and a culture that makes this a normal behavior... However, what is normal to the world is a disgrace to the Kingdom of God. Again, we have a choice.

Our actions determine which choice we have chosen to make -

Kingdom-minded or earthly minded.

Sure, your new friends may love the spilling of tea on your old bestie, but God's Word tells us to avoid those willing to do such. We can't say we love God, but be disobedient to His Word. We can't say we love God, but be reckless with the words we use when talking about His children. We can't say we love God, but be selective in choosing who we show His love to. What choice will you make?

Instead of slander... God's Word tells us this..

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

(James 1:12)

What does "steadfast" mean? It means to remain firm, or loyal... Yes, this means to God, but also to those He loves. Just because your friendships may change, does not mean that your heart for those friends should. Growing apart should not separate the loyalty and love you have for someone.

Think about the seasons in which you've ran far from God.... Stop pretending like you haven't, becaue let's be real - we've all had those seasons... Did God's love for you change? Did God talk trash on you? Did He whisper to others all the secrets and confessions you've ever told Him? Did He turn His back on you? Did He stop loving you?

In case you don't know the answer to those questions, let me help you out...

No, He didn't.

In fact, He showed us the greatest display of love ever written in history despite all we've done - turning our own backs on Him, rejecting Him, ignoring Him, being ashamed of Him, choosing others over Him constantly... The list of our shortcomings could go on, but so does His love for us...

Friendships are hard. I get it. I've had my own struggles throughout the years of learning and growing, but I'll never forget sitting in a room with a handful of my friends and just sharing about how I had recently went to dinner with one of my old best friends... and those I was sharing with that night said, "You just pick right back up."

Puzzled by this, I said, "huh?" (Because I'm so eloquent with my words..) She said, "no matter how much time has passed by or what different seasons you are in, you always just pick back up where you left off and that's a good thing."

The more I thought about it, she was right. It wasn't a me thing, but a friendship thing.

Oldies are goodies. Whether that be movies, music, or friends. There are good people that were there for you in some of the hardest seasons of your life and though life may take you on different journeys, you can't erase the times you've had together.

So when given the chance, it is nice to pick up where you left off OR... to start over new.

I remember the night I met my old friend for dinner and she looked straight across the table at me , over the chips and salsa (and cheese dip), of course... and said the words, "you are so different." She then added on, "but in a good way."

She was referring to the boldness and confidence that had through the goodness of God had grown within me over the years... She knew me back then, and had seen the work of God in my life.

One day, you may sit across from those old friends and be the very evidence they need to see the goodness and power of God.

As the school year is about to begin, I share this today, and my hopes are to share each day something new about friendships because often times, we can get caught up in the slander when we are back at school or back home from church camps and we get drawn back into choosing that earthly mindset of, "I'm just venting" or "I'm just sharing with a friend" or "Everyone does it" when God's Word is extremely clear.

Don't be a fool, be a friend.

For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.

(1 Peter 3:10)

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

(Ephesians 4:32)

P.S. - You don't have to be in the same season as your friends for friendships to last. Pictured here are 4 gals that would do absolutely ANY thing for ANY one of us and we couldn't all be more different or in a more different season of life.

Love your people well.

No matter the season.